when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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