He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
