i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize