He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
