Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
