I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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