That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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