I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
