I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
