i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
