Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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