Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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