Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
