Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
