Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
