I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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