You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
