dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
