Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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