Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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