a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
