I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
