I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
