I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
