She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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