How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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