I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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