If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ladies don't puke and tell
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
