guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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