But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
