If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
