Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
