The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
