the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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