Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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