FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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