i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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