i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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