shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
