I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
