He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
