what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
