There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
