I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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