That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
