I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize