I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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