Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
