There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize