I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
