I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
