I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
In America we eat man semen.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
