Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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