oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
