If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
