Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We are all done wearing pants today
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
