I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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