Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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