I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
