I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
