nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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