i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Someone signed my nipple.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
