Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
