just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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