We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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