I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
