remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize