I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
