I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I deserve this hangover.
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