I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
