So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
