what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
