Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
