I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
