Pappa wants mamma naked
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
