operation harelip BJ is a go
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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