ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
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