I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
