I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
