and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
