hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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