On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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