Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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