In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
