I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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