Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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