drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
