I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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