dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
