First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize