Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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