I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
