The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
