if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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