Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
