i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
