nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
