I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
