i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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