mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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