I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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