Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
