why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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