im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
