No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
