May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
