before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
