first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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