not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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