New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize