Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize