my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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