Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I love having hate sex.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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