In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
