so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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